


SOS

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Beaches, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Humor, Ignorant Sirius, M/M, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Severus Snape Lives, Sirius Black Lives, Sirius Black's Flying Motorbike, Sirius is terrible, Sunburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 07:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19942378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Severus just wants a peaceful moment reading but Sirius seems to be on a mission to ruin his day.





	SOS

**Author's Note:**

> I'll give a virtual hug to anyone who guesses the title reference correctly in the comment section. 
> 
> Prompt #37: Character A has had it up to here with Sirius and that damn motorcycle. Either A) Established Relationship or B) Enemies to Lovers
> 
> The ship name is Snack, right? I like the ship, sue me. At this point it should be clear I got a thing for Severus and Sirius. 
> 
> Tumblr @Mangopassionfruity I am open to talking/asks/hate. XD

Severus was sitting peacefully on his soft recliner, reading a book on sea creatures when one Sirius Black waltzed right up to him and snatched the book away.   
  
“Where is it?” He asked, his eyes burning.   
  
“What are you talking about, mutt? Forgot where you placed your wand? Check the fridge.” Severus said, reaching out to retrieve his book. Sirius took a step back and tossed the book on the nearby table.    
  
“My motorcycle. It’s not in the shed.” Sirius said, not backing down when Severus stood up and glared at him. Though Severushad to tilt his head up, since they were so close together. He hated that reminder of their height difference.    
  
“Fuckin’ Merlin,you slimy bastard! I know you hid my bike! Give it back.” Sirius shouted, voice raised. Severus walked around him and left his tiny library. He sorely regretted having let Sirius Black move in. Their relationship was at best rocky still. It had started only a year ago when Severus had survived Naginis bite. Harry was adamant that he be watched and fussed over, and at some point forced his Godfather to make amends. It ended terribly. And it wasn’t until the two ended up in bed after a heated argument that they started to get along. A year later and a bored Lord insisting that he try living in the muggle world, Severus let him move in. It wasn’t as if he lived completely the muggle way. He had fixed up the place after the first war but mainly left the kitchen the same. He’d even gotten new appliances and dishes, though they were now outdated. Perhaps he could get the rich man to buy him new ones.   
  
But one of the biggest issues between them was Sirius’ dreaded motorcycle. Severus abhorred the vehicle. Sirius loved to tinker with it, would enter the house all greasy and sully Severus house, his shoes treading dirt. If only they could have a house elf. 

Sirius, since the day Severus was declared fully recovered, had insisted they take a ride on that damnable vehicle. Severus was vehemently against the idea. Not when he received the muggle newsletter and read of all the accidents. Sirius was insane and most muggle drivers were as well. But when he brought that point up, Sirius suggested they fly the bike over the countryside in disguise. It didn’t help his case. Severus hated flying on anything, it was one of the reasons he never learned how to fly a broom.   
  
Severus entered the kitchen to see the toaster smoking. He ran to it, unplugging it. The object had 4 more bread slices in each slot than the recommended one. Clueless Pureblood, Severus thought to himself.   
  
“I was trying to make toast before we went on a drive to the beach.” Sirius said from behind him, looking annoyed that Severus stopped the machine.    
  
“You’re a fool. You don’t put 6 slices in each of the slots, only 2. Did you want to burn the house down?” Severus said, sneering.   
  
“What? Only 2? That’s stupid, I raised up the tempture so it could heat them all up.” Sirius said, not willing to admit he made a blunder. Severus looked at the temperature dialed to the max. Fuck, the man was trying kill him. He lowered it, removed the burnt toast and showed Sirius how to set it up.    
  
“One”, Severus said, shoving the slice in one opening, “Two”, he continued while placing it in the other. Sirius rolled his eyes. At that moment Severus saw sparks coming off the microwave. He made a dash for it, unplugging it and opening it up. The smell that was released was foul and whatever was left of the plate and...metal object was destroyed, all a melted mess.    
  
“Oh shite, my baked beans!” Sirius said, running to his side, covering up his nose.   
  
“Under no circumstances are you supposed to put metal in a microwave, Black,” Severus gritted out. Sirius stood there with a petulant look on his face.   
  
“Fine, lesson learned. I just wanted to make us a meal we could take for a picnic, take a drive on my  _ bike _ to a beach. Just something romantic, you know?” Sirius said, puffing out his chest, but otherwise looking dejected. Maybe it was living through 2 wars that made Severus feel...dare he say, bad for Sirius? He clearly had the right intentions, just lacked in the execution. Severus sighed, giving in to the other man.   
  
“I shrunk it down and placed it in my nightstand. Go get your bike, while I fix this mess of yours, Black,” Severus said, rolling his eyes when Sirius gave him a quick peck on the cheek before running up the stairs. The Slytherin face twisted in disgust by the beans splattered all around the interior of the now ruined microwave. He’d have to make Black buy him a new one. Taking out his wand, he casted a spell to clear it all out. He saw the other man tumbling down the stairs and head out the door.   
  
Once he was back in his small library, he picked up his book from earlier and started to read again, until he heard an engine of a certain obnoxious vehicle rev up. Oh how he wished Sirius would crash that bike. Maybe he’d become too traumatized to attempt to ever ride one again. Blocking out the outside noise, he lost himself in his reading until once again the book was seized from his unsuspecting grip. He must be losing his touch if Black surprised him yet again. He kicked the other man rather forcefully in the groin.    
  
“Stop doing that you prat,” Severus said, picking up the dropped book as Sirius curled up on the floor, groaning.   
  
“Oye, you mad bat, I came to say I got the bike ready. Fuck!” Sirius gritted out, barely getting himself up. It served him right, Severus thought.    
  
“Want to try this again?” Sirius asked, annoyed.    
  
“Me kicking you in the balls? Sure.” Severus said, grinning. Sirius took a step back, turning his body.    
  
“No, not that you arse. Want to go on a ride?” He asked, rolling his eyes. Severus placed a hand under his chin, pretending that he was weighing his options.   
  
“How about never?” Severus asked, sitting back down his couch. Sirius groaned and plopped himself down next to him.    
  
“Do you have to make everything difficult?” Sirius asked, throwing his head back. Severus eyed his unblemished throat, knowing his held marks of his nearly deadly assault. Did he make things harder? No, Sirius seems to forget that aside from fucking, there was no love lost between them. Maybe it was 20 or so years of loneliness that led Severus to let the man into his life, maybe it was simply because he was a willing warm body and Severus never had many people interested in him like that. Sadly, there was that one time Lucius and him had gotten beyond smashed and given each other a blow job. Lucius claimed that he didn’t remember anything that night and Severus rolled with it. Narcissa didn’t like to share much.    
  
“One time, I’ll never ask again. Promise,” Sirius said, giving his best puppy eyed look. Severus felt his right eye twitch. Did he think that pathetic look would work on Severus? No, he would not let him win.Or at least that was what Severus intended, but the moment Sirius placed his chin on his shoulders and hugged him, he caved in.   
  
“Fine you blasted fool! Once and don’t expect me to have a jolly time,” Severus said, earning a woot from the other. Severus got up, transfigured a spoon into a basket and placed food in it. It was noon, Sirius would take advantage and drive far out. Sirius wore a horrid leather jacket and no helmet. The idiot was always willing to take risks. Severus insisted that they wear some but Sirius said it would get in the way and the wind through your hair was a great feeling not to be missed. Severus hoped he’d become bald, the crazy fucker, but he supposed he must have lost some intelligence himself for going along with the other.    
  
The motorcycle was slick, well maintained and big. Once Sirius was on it, Severus struggled to sit, legs too far apart, butt sliding down causing his crotch to rub against Sirius backside. Worst of all was the fact that he knew he’d have to wrap his arms around Sirius. It didn’t help that Sirius kept making crass jokes, ‘You happy back there?’. Severus pinched him each time. 

  
Once settled, picnic basket secured behind him, Sirius drove off. Severus instantly felt dread. He sped off in a street meant to drive slowly, oh he was planning on getting a ticket wasn’t he, Severus thought. Once they left the town and were on a country road, Sirius truly picked up the pace.    
  
“S-Slow down, Siri!” Severus shouted over the harsh wind. He clearly wasn’t heard or Sirius was straight up ignoring him. He squeezed the other man tighter, scowling when Sirius let out a howl. Severus wanted to push him off, bite him, hex him, anything, but they’d end up crashing. After awhile he felt them slow down, but also get higher, wheels coming off the road. Severus started to panic.    
  
“I said no flying!”   
  
“I’ll go slow, come on, Sevvy!”   
  
“Don’t call me that.”   
  
“Too late, we’re off.”   
  
Severus shut his eyes, not daring to look down. A million thoughts ran through his mind, how if he died today instead of that fateful day, he’d be extremely pissed at Sirius. Perhaps Harry would be cross enough with his godfather to never speak to him again. Severus definitely planned on kicking the man out and if he refused, he was sleeping on the couch, no sex for a good month or ten.    
  
“It’s okay, open your eyes, Severus,” Sirius said, voice soft. Severus did and he had to admit the view was nice, flying above the rolling hills and trees, seeing birds alongside them, it was… almost pleasant. Almost. They kept to the sky for a long while, enough that Severus started to drift off, confident that Sirius wouldn’t let him fall off.    
  
When he opened his eyes, they were no longer in the air but by a beach, on the ground. Sirius was nudging him awake. Severus unwrapped his arms and got off the bike, feeling a little dizzy. Sirius stretched and went to grab the basket and a blanket he had stored, placing it on the sand. With no muggles around, Sirius took off the jacket and shirt and turned his pants into swimming shorts.    
  
“I’m going to take a dip, come join me.” Sirius said, not that Severus paid much attention to him. He was rather focused on ogling the man and his physique. He was too handsome for his own good and he knew it, which aggravated Severus. But it was hot and Severus had come this far, perhaps the cool waves would feel lovely. Severus took off his shirt slowly, feeling self conscious, much to his annoyance. It wasn’t as if the other man hadn’t seen him naked before. But he could never get over how thin his body was, how scarred. Sirius didn’t seem to mind though, in fact he was beaming when Severus came to him, equally shirtless and in swimming shorts.   
  
Once in the water, Sirius didn’t hesitate to start behaving like a child, splashing water in Severus’s direction. Severus retaliated by cheating and using his magic to throw a larger amount at the man, toppling him over. He smirked when he saw Sirius struggle to get up. Sirius turned into his animagus form and bit at Severus trunks, pulling them down. Severus tried holding them up, kicking at the dog. Eventually, Sirius let go and switched back to a human, jeering at Severus who was madly blushing.    
  
“Fine, play in the water, I’m going to sit and read.” He said, angered at the other man. Sirius didn’t seem to mind, going further out in the water. Severus sat down, opened the basket and took out a book he’d put in there. An hour passed and Sirius had gotten bored of swimming, deciding he’d build himself what he heard muggles call a sand castle. Severus recalled how he’d built one once with Lily as children. She told him to fetch seashells to decorate and Severus decided to honour the memory by doing it again. He told Sirius he’d look for them and got an enthusiastic nod in reply. He found several and other items like bottle caps, plastic spoons, and other junk polluting the beach. It was really horrible how little regard muggles showed their environment. By the time he collected a hefty amount, he saw Sirius laying on the towel under an umbrella that wasn’t previously there.    
  
When he showed Sirius his finds, he received a pat on the shoulder. The touch pained his skin, causing him to wince. He hadn’t noticed that he’d developed a sunburn on his arms and shoulders. It should have been obvious, yet no, he once again let something so crucial slip his mind:sunscreen, he’d forgotten to bring some. Sirius seemed to tan while Severus didn’t. No, his pale pathetic arse got burnt like shrimp. His fucking luck. Severus handed over the shells, swatting Sirius away. The man just laughed and got up to go to his castle that looked oddly like Hogwarts. He’d most likely used magic.    
  
Sitting down was unpleasant, realizing that even his legs had gotten tortured by the sun rays and when he attempted to lay down, he knew his back was in the same condition. It was that blasted idiot’s fault, Sevrus thought. He kept insisting to go on a ride, kept trying to have fun. Fun to Severus was being calm, sitting in silence, reading with a cup of tea to sip at, maybe classical music in the background. Not the rock bands Sirius proclaimed was good music. The only music they could agree on was ABBA. But each time they played it, Sirius had an urge to dance with Severus, so he hid the vinyls away.    
  
“Are you alright, Severus?” Sirius asked, sitting near him but not close enough to touch. Good, Severus thought, he’d curse the man if he tried to lay a hand on him again.    
  
“No, Sirius, I want to rip off my skin. Happy now?” Severus said, glaring at Sirius. Sirius didn’t say anything, opting to take a sandwich out and eat it.    
  
“So I guess we aren’t going to have beach sex then?” Sirius said after a moment of silence. Severus got up, went to the motorcycle and popped its wheel right before apparating out of there, leaving behind a cursing Sirius.    
  
_ He’s lucky I didn’t set it on fire _ , Severus thought to himself before rummaging through his ointments to find one to heal his skin.    
  
“Fuck that motorcycle, fuck Sirius, and fuck the sun,” he said to himself.    


**Author's Note:**

> Look, I never said Severus would catch a break. Leave a kudo/comment if ya want. c:


End file.
